There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sext me about skeletons
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
