She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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