I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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