How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
