i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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