I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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