Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
