i just google imaged poop.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
