So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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