I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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