I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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