We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
