I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
