Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
