yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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