vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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