Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
