just tell him i said nine months
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
