I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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