you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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