What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
