your room smells of hookers.
And success
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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