I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
