I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
