I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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