Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
