he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
