I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
