Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
