she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
