Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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