Please don't use social media to get back at me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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