Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
