They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
