My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
