we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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