just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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