it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
