...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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