Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just want nice things and good sex
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
