We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My dick has a subreddit
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
