i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
