I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
