I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
