If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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