Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
