Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
