Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
