tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
organizing the empties. That sober.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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