I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
